There’s no shortage of advice on the subject of how to get over someone. You can even buy books on the subject or attempt to follow someone’s ten easy steps to get on with your life. Most of the ideas presented here have some merit, and some have been offered with tongue-in-cheek – even they may give you some ideas to run with. Good luck, and maybe the one you’re trying to get over is hardly worth the effort after all!
Cut Off All Contact
Cutting of all contact with the person you’re attempting to get over is one of the best things you can do. Admittedly, there are situations where that might be next to impossible, such as when sharing the same workplace, but you should at least try to keep contact to a minimum, without necessarily turning and walking away in the other direction whenever the two of you meet. Be civil, but disinterested, even if it’s only an act. Hopefully, the two of you will eventually become only passing acquaintances, and will eventually drift apart. However, if it’s possible to cut off contact completely, do so.
Think Negative Thoughts
This could be difficult if you’ve placed the person you’re trying to get over on a pedestal and have convinced yourself that the one you loved, or had a crush on, could do no wrong. It can be of some help to think this way if you are a perfectionist, since if you’re that type of a person you can usually find something wrong in nearly everyone. People have a great capacity for making themselves believe what they want to believe, and if you try hard enough, you can probably convince yourself that the person you’re striving to get over probably isn’t worth spending your time with anyway.
Don’t Let Hope Get in Your Way
As long as you are hopeful that you might eventually get back together, there is little chance of you ever completely getting over someone. Hope is a wonderful thing, and it is something that can often carry a person through a difficult situation, or even keep a person alive in certain circumstances. Hope can also be a form of denial however, and when that’s the case it might do more harm than good. The best way to keep hope from interfering with the need to get over someone would be to talk to that person so you can be 100% certain that the relationship is indeed over, leaving no reason for hope.
Wallowing is OK – Up to a Point
Complaining can be OK if you don’t do too much of it, or make a habit of it. It can be good for you and allow you to get things off your chest, rather than let them build up inside of you. It’s the same with wallowing. Wallowing is a form of grief, and is it is something that is actually quite natural. It’s like having a good, extended cry, which is something you can do by yourself, but can also share with someone else. If your breakup was a particularly bad one, or if you happened to be blindsided by what happened, wallowing could be healthy for you, and your friends will likely understand. Give yourself a time limitof no more than a week or two to show your feelings, however.
Be Careful of the Music You Listen To
Hopefully, the former love of your life’s favorite song isn’t something you will every day on the radio. You might have to change your musical tastes. Going from country and western to baroque, or vice versa, could of course be a challenge, but being able to march to a different tune could help. Besides avoiding your former lover’s favorite music, you might be better off avoiding his or her favorite books, places, or TV shows as well. You do not want to change too much of your lifestyle, but making a few changes might make things easier for you in the short run.
Don’t Try Too Hard
Don’t try too hard to put the person completely out of your mind. If you think of the person occasionally it’s OK to feel a pang of loneliness, but don’t let that feeling remain. You’re likely to feel a good deal better about yourself if you recognize that you miss that person and that you’re getting on with your life quite fine. Don’t let hope or denial get in your way. Just let the person fade from your life gradually and gracefully.
Don’t Get Too Busy
This would seem to be the antitheses of everything you’ve been told about how to stop feeling miserable after ending a relationship with someone. All you need to do is to turn into a workaholic and everything will be all right. That makes about as much sense as joining the Foreign Legion! You want to have things to do, places to visit, and sights to see, and you want to keep relatively busy, but not overly so, especially if your lifestyle in the past hasn’t consisted of 60-hour workweeks or 60 to 80 hours a week of volunteer work. You need to be occupied to a certain degree, but that can mean taking long hikes, having lunch with friends, or help someone landscape their yard. You do not have to immerse yourself in your work solely with the intent of getting over someone.
Get Reacquainted with Your Old Circle of Friends
Hopefully you haven’t burned too many bridges in this area. There is of course the possibility that some of your former friends have found their own significant others recently, and they might not be as likely to join you for a cup of coffee or a trip to the beach. If some of your old friends frequent a health club or a corner bar, start paying visits to those establishments to renew acquaintances, although if you’ve just broken up, visiting a bar might not be all that good an idea. There’s nothing sadder than people sitting in a bar feeling sorry for themselves. What you really want, is to reinvest in relationships and friendships that you may neglected.
Don’t Start Looking for a Replacement Right Away
It’s true that you might find someone better, but if you’re going to be carrying a torch for your former lover for a while, that’s unlikely to be the case. Whoever you meet is more than likely to come up short once you start making comparisons against the person you’re trying to get over. If going out on dates will help, by all means do so. In fact, you probably should take up dating again, or at least pick up a few new friends, or renew old friendships. Look at dating as an opportunity to have a good time with a nice person and then see what happens.
Be Careful with Someone on the Rebound
If you decide to date, be careful about dating someone who’s going through the same thing you are, and could be on the rebound. You might initially feel good about dating a kindred spirit, but it could be easy for the two of you to come to the conclusion that destiny has driven you together. The end result could be two people getting married, each one settling for their second-best choice.
Dare to Try New Things
It is your life after all. Your ex-lover might not have approved of you watching kid’s cartoons, Family Guy, 8 solid hours of football, or the Weather Channel. Now would be a good time to do a few of those things you really get a kick out of doing. You can eat a late breakfast and watch TV, while still in your pajamas, though maybe not on workdays. In fact, there are those who will tell you that taking your pajamas off and going naked is excellent therapy. Do that only when you’re by yourself of course; but there is something about going naked that gives a person a feeling of freedom, which, if only for a few hours, can be good medicine.
Be Careful What You Post on Facebook
There are a host of Facebook users who seem to share every thought, emotion, and problem they have with the world, in the naive assumption that only a few close friends will ever be aware of what they’ve posted. Facebook can be your window to the world, albeit a small one, where you can converse with friends, share photos, and on occasion offer someone good advice. Be as interesting a person as you can be, show some humor, and above all try not to drag everyone else into the pool of misery you may find yourself immersed in. If someone asks you about the break-up, it’s OK to say it hurts, but leave it at that, and post a photo of yourself surfing, or partying with friends.
Treat the New Significant Other with Respect
You’ll look better in the eyes of everyone if you manage to at least be civil to the person your ex has fallen for, should your paths happen to cross. You do not have to like or dislike the person. Maybe that significant other did connive to steal your former love away from you, but on the other hand, he or she might be a completely innocent party. Whether you want to or not, treating people with respect almost always pays dividends in the long run.
Take a Road Trip
You might not feel like taking off on you own right away, especially if you’re feeling overwhelmingly lonely. Driving through the desert isn’t going to make you feel any less lonely, but the same could be said for driving down The Strip in Las Vegas; although there would at least be some distractions. Pick a place you’ve always wanted to visit and go there for a few days. Don’t pick a place you both always wanted to visit, or your loved one always wanted to visit. If, as a youngster, you always wanted to visit Mt. Rushmore, or Cleveland, go there instead.
Learn to Enjoy Your Own Company
Enjoying your own company doesn’t mean becoming a recluse, or being self-centered or narcissistic. It means seeing and doing things on your own that you enjoy, or at least mixing such activities in with things you do with others. Part of learning to enjoy your own company involves taking time to smell the roses and enjoy the small things in life, and learning to be ‘comfortable in your own skin’. If you can succeed in this, you will be happier, less likely to be lonely, and probably more fun to be around. Just remember that it doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the company of others just as much.
Become a Different Person (or Who You Used to Be)
You probably made a few changes to both your thinking and your lifestyle when you were in love with your ex. Most people change in some degree. When you’re in a relationship you almost have to. Now might be the time to do a little ‘unchanging’, assuming it will be for the better. Whatever you do though, don’t go back to leading a lonely existence if that is what your life used to be like. The fact that you had a great relationship should convince you that you never need to be lonely again, though you can’t be blamed if you feel lonely for a while.
Join the Foreign Legion
This seems to have been one of the best ways to get over someone a couple of generations back, and the movies certainly did nothing to throw water on this idea. Joining the French Foreign Legion was depicted as being somewhat romantic. You could see the world along with other souls also trying to get over someone. Life in the Foreign Legion really wasn’t, and isn’t, all that romantic. It would in fact be a rather rough way to spend a few years of your life.
The last bit of advice is not always the best piece of advice, and in this case, it is probably the worst. You could of course always join the military and serve your country, but doing so because you’re trying to figure out how to get over a past relationship isn’t the best reason for doing so. Go down the list again. There is almost certainly something here that you can put to good use.